A Rational Philosophy for Life: 9 steps to free yourself from limiting beliefs

There comes a moment for everyone who embarks on a self-development journey: the moment we break free from limiting beliefs that aren’t truly ours. If you’ve followed me on LinkedIn, spoken to me in person, or attended a coaching session with me, you know I’m passionate about this topic. As an REBT Practitioner, I guide my clients in seeing the world through different lenses, always emphasizing the importance of starting from within. This approach is key to changing your reality.

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a powerful framework that helps us understand the roots of these disempowering beliefs, making it easier to challenge them and begin our transformation. (If you’d like a deeper dive into REBT itself, check out my other post where I break it down in more detail.)

My Journey to a Rational Philosophy for Life

When I sat down to write this blog post, my concept idea was different. I wanted to share some of my clients’ stories as examples. But then I though, why not sharing with you my own journey. This way you will get the chance to understand my path, my challenges, and starting point, and how I ended up as a helping practitioner, helping others transform using the methodology I tested myself first. So if you are interested in getting to know me better, let me take you on a journey through nine transformative steps that have shaped my understanding of a rational philosophy for life. I remember the moment I realized that the constraints holding me back were not my own but rather beliefs I had unconsciously adopted. This realization was the first of many steps that led me toward a more empowered existence.

As I navigated my own self-development path, I began to peel away the layers of limiting beliefs that had confined me for far too long. Each step was a revelation, a moment of clarity that brought me closer to my true self. Along the way, I drew inspiration from my experiences and the frameworks I later adopted in my practice as an REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) Practitioner.

Now, I share these nine transformative steps with my clients, guiding them as I once guided myself. Together, we embark on a journey to identify and challenge the beliefs that hold them back, enabling them to build a rational philosophy for life that fosters growth and resilience.

9-Step Rational Philosophy for Life:

Step 1: Think for Yourself

In our journey toward personal transformation, the first step is to truly think for ourselves. I remember when I was in the midst of my Finance and Accounting studies, diligently working in Tax Advisory. On the surface, it seemed like the perfect path: a stable job with good prospects. But underneath, I was drowning, feeling increasingly disconnected from my choices. It wasn’t until I experienced my first burnout, an experience I didn’t even recognize as such at the time, that the weight of my circumstances became clear.

Looking back, I realize that I was living according to someone else’s beliefs. I had chosen my field based on a deeply ingrained notion of what a “safe” profession looked like, a belief handed down to me rather than one I had cultivated myself. It was a wake-up call that led me to a critical question: “Whose life am I living?”

This moment ignited a powerful process of self-discovery. I began to reflect on my beliefs and ask myself whether they truly belonged to me or were merely echoes of societal expectations and familial pressures. I learned that if I accepted everyone else’s truths without question, I was only perpetuating someone else’s narrative, one that didn’t resonate with who I really was.

Through this introspection, I realized that the choice of my university major was just the tip of the iceberg. Beneath it lay a multitude of beliefs about who I should be and what I should pursue. This step was crucial in my journey; it laid the groundwork for a deeper exploration of my identity and values. By thinking for myself, I was able to embark on a path that was authentically mine, paving the way for the transformative changes that would follow.

Step 2: Learn Tolerance Through Humility

The second step in our journey of transformation is to learn tolerance through humility. For me, embracing humility was a profound realization that I am fallible and that perfection is an illusion. In the past, I held myself, and others, to impossibly high standards. I was often judgmental, quick to criticize those who didn’t meet my expectations. If someone didn’t do something I considered “right,” it would frustrate me to no end.

However, as I delved deeper into my self-discovery journey, I began to recognize a crucial truth: I wasn’t always doing the right thing either. This realization struck me like a bolt of lightning. My harsh judgments of others often mirrored the criticisms I directed at myself, hidden behind a facade of perfectionism. The irony of striving for perfection while simultaneously judging others was not lost on me.

Admitting that I was wrong felt like an insurmountable challenge. I wanted to present myself as flawless, yet I was constantly reminded of my own imperfections through my interactions with others. This reflection was a humbling experience. I learned that the moments when I was critical of others often coincided with my own struggles to accept my flaws.

Through this journey, I discovered the power of humility. I began to embrace phrases like “I don’t know” and “I’m sorry, I made a mistake.” Accepting my imperfections allowed me to foster a greater sense of understanding toward others. The more I accepted myself, the more I could appreciate the humanity in those around me.

This journey of humility became the foundation of my coaching practice, particularly through the Judge-Student methodology I now apply with my clients. By shifting from a judgmental mindset to one of a student, I discovered a guiding light during moments of failure. It’s a transformative approach that encourages growth, both for myself and those I work with.

Step 3: Self-Reflection and Growth

The third step on our transformative journey is self-reflection and growth. Reflection is not just an occasional activity; it is an essential practice for personal development. I remember a defining moment in my life when I realized there was a distinct “before” and “after” my journey into self-reflection.

Before I embraced this path, I often felt like a victim of my circumstances, trapped in a cycle of blame and frustration. But that changed when I made a conscious decision to look inward. This act of self-examination was empowering. It allowed me to shift from a victim mentality to a space of personal agency, where I could ask myself the tough questions: What can I change? What can I influence? What can I learn?

This process of self-reflection opened my eyes to the many possibilities for growth that had previously gone unnoticed. The universal law that states, “what doesn’t grow, dies,” resonated deeply with me. I began to understand that stagnation was not an option; if I wanted to flourish, I needed to embrace change.

What I discovered was both exhilarating and addictive. With each reflection, I witnessed the subtle shifts in my mindset and behavior, allowing me to blossom into a more fulfilled version of myself. The key to this transformation was the conscious choice to engage in self-reflection. It became a tool not only for understanding what needed to change but also for appreciating the progress I had made.

As I now guide my clients through this crucial step, I emphasize the importance of reflection as a means to unlock their potential. By cultivating a habit of self-reflection, they can confront their own barriers and take charge of their growth. It’s a liberating process that empowers them to take control of their narratives and embrace the possibilities that lie ahead.

Step 4: Self-Acceptance and Love

If there’s one topic I could talk about for hours, it’s this one. My relationship with self-love has been complex and, at times, challenging. I’ve come to realize that everything begins with loving and accepting ourselves fully. But what does that really mean?

In my earlier years, I struggled deeply with self-acceptance. I was often my own harshest critic, blinded by a lack of self-love. And as mentioned already above, I was projecting my own insecurities on others, mirroring my limitations. But the truth was that without embracing who I truly was, there was no space for change. I found myself caught in a cycle of blame, pointing fingers at others or external circumstances for my unhappiness.

I learned the hard way that without self-love, there can be no genuine happiness or belief in my abilities. I was my own biggest enemy, undermining my potential at every turn. I realized that I had been missing a crucial element: the acceptance of my imperfections. It became clear that true self-acceptance allows us to acknowledge our flaws while still embracing the journey of growth.

Even in the past year, which has not been easy for me, I’ve made mistakes and faced failures. Yet, I’ve discovered something liberating: I can be happy even when life throws challenges my way. This newfound perspective comes from loving myself enough to forgive my missteps and approach challenges with curiosity rather than fear.

Forgiveness plays a pivotal role in this journey. I learned that forgiving myself is foundational to forgiving others. It paves the way for what we know as Radical Forgiveness, a framework that has guided my growth and one I now share with my clients.

Step 5: Flexibility of Thought and Action

This step has been particularly challenging for me, as it’s deeply ingrained in my DNA, closely tied to my perfectionism. My routines were my anchors: waking up early, practicing morning meditation, journaling, engaging in physical activity, and aiming for 10,000 steps a day. I felt compelled to fit it all in to define a successful day.

However, life has a way of throwing curveballs. There were mornings when I woke up late, or days when my dog fell ill and required my attention, disrupting my carefully crafted plans. In those moments, I would feel frustration bubbling up, sometimes even anxiety, when I couldn’t check off my to-do list. I was stuck in a pattern of chasing my tail, believing that my worth was tied to my accomplishments.

Through this journey, I came to a pivotal realization: my rigidity was hindering my growth. I recognized that when I only focused on problems, I struggled to see the opportunities around me. Flexibility of thought became essential. It was about understanding that life is unpredictable and that my expectations often stemmed from limiting beliefs about perfection and productivity.

This awareness prompted me to consciously work on rewiring these ingrained patterns. It’s an ongoing process, but I’ve learned the importance of balancing my routine with the reality of life’s unpredictability. Instead of resisting when things don’t go as planned, I’ve started to embrace the idea that flexibility is a strength. It allows me to adapt, learn, and grow from every experience.

Moreover, finding balance between being and doing has become a cornerstone of my practice. This balance extends to recognizing and nurturing both my feminine and masculine energies, cultivating moments of stillness alongside my drive to achieve. My passion for biohacking further underscored the significance of this balance; it taught me the value of rest and simply being present.

As I guide my clients through this step, I encourage them to reflect on their own routines and identify the beliefs that may be holding them back. I remind them that persistence in trying different actions is key. Don’t give up, always explore new possibilities, and keep moving forward. Flexibility isn’t just about adjusting plans; it’s about fostering a mindset that allows us to embrace life’s challenges and opportunities alike.

Step 6: Learn to Accept Uncertainty

Another topic you can hear me being super passionate about, particularly because it intertwines with the neuroscience behind change and the concept of neuroplasticity. Change can be daunting; our brains often perceive it as a threat, triggering protective mechanisms like procrastination, doubt, and fear of the unknown.

For much of my life, I existed rather than truly lived. I was caught in a cycle where the discomfort of my status quo felt safer than the unpredictable future. I avoided taking risks because the potential for discomfort loomed large, casting a shadow over the possibilities that change could bring.

But then it came to me: the more I ventured beyond my comfort zone, the larger that comfort zone became. I began to understand that discomfort is a natural part of growth. I recall the moment I decided to step out and write this blog post. Just a short while ago, the thought of sharing my insights publicly would have triggered waves of anxiety, as my brain projected fears of imposter syndrome and a constant need for further preparation before I could educate others.

Now, however, I embrace the idea that I don’t need to know it all to contribute meaningfully. I’ve accepted that I have time to learn more, but what I know so far is enough to share with the world. The question of how the world will receive my thoughts? I don’t know. And that’s okay.

Stepping into that uncertainty, becoming vocal and visible, was a turning point for me. It taught me that taking risks is not merely about the outcome; it’s also about the journey of discovery and the lessons learned along the way. When I reflect on the risks I’ve taken, even when they didn’t pan out as I had hoped, I find value in the experiences. Each attempt, successful or not, has contributed to my growth.

As I guide my clients through this step, I encourage them to embrace uncertainty rather than shy away from it. I remind them that learning to accept what we cannot predict is essential for moving forward. Life is full of opportunities for growth, but they often reside just beyond the edge of our comfort zones. In a world that often seeks certainty, I urge my clients to be different, to stand out, and to take calculated risks. This journey into the unknown is where true transformation lies. By embracing uncertainty, we open ourselves to new experiences, deeper learning, and ultimately, a more fulfilled life.